John Chow ruined my life
Okay. That’s a little dramatic. But he is steadily ruining the internet day in and day out. John Chow is an evil person. He makes a lot of money and lives in Canada. John Chow is an affiliate marketer who makes his money by spamming the hell out of people. And he makes a lot of money. We’re talking Jersey Shore money.
The reason I hate John Chow is simple: He’s a liar.
When I first joined Twitter a few years ago, John Chow was one of the first people to follow me. As a courtesy I followed him back. And he even DM’d me for, thanking me for whatever. I felt like I had made a connection in the blogosphere and I was bound to have good things happen from it.
Day in and day out, John Chow gave the most pointless tweets, and since I only followed him and a few other people I actually knew, I saw a lot of what he would tweet. His big thing is tweeting his daily “Pho” (that’s a meal or something in Vietnamese) and he gave it some sort of dumb hashtag like Dot Com Pho or something. He lives in Vancouver, so it was always something Asian and expensive. Then he’d send out a few links a day to blog posts about how he makes $50,000 a month trying to get you to buy stuff from his affiliate program links or whatever.
Then one blessed day, I discovered Friend or Follow, a service that allows you to see who is following you, who you follow and who is actually your friend. I learned that I had been following John Chow for months, maybe a whole year even, and that’s how he amassed something around 75,000 followers. He’s currently down to 56,000, but eff him anyway.
The reason I hate John Chow is because he took something that I liked and ruined it- not unlike molesting one of my cousins or farting on my favorite hat. It’s dickwads like John Chow and those jackoffs that are trying to get me to click on the “free Dell laptop” link that ruined MySpace and Google, and are currently sodomizing Twitter and Facebook. Look, John. I get that you’re rich and that you got rich off of the internet. But none of us care that you did. The people that go to your site are greedy, and would happily kill you and your family for money. Instead of trying to be a resource, you’ve tried to make Twitter a monument to yourself.
If social media marketing and online profiteering is a spectrum, then John Chow is microwaving a kitten and Tim Ferriss is freaking Chester Nimitz. If you want to know the correct way to sell a product online, he’s a good person to start with.